What is owed is your undivided attention to things you find meaning in, meaningful discussions, and meaningful analysis, it’s the energy you give in return for awareness to issues that you might not otherwise think of, given your life, and experiences. So pride yourself for anytime you are put in the position of the observer in life, that makes you the counselor, the friend, the doctor, and the attorney, so recognize that privilege when you’re doing well, and if ever anyone confides in you, or looks to you, to make them feel better, it’s called responsibility, and like most people you should seek to make things better, not worse for those you hear from, or worry for in life. It’s always good to do your research, and have educated opinions in life, I don’t think that as a blogger, I’m far from what many of us do, having unpaid conversations about life with people, and like me not getting paid for your two cents. It’s the giving that matters, not the monetary value of anything expected to return from an invested effort, time, energy speaking. So have a good heart about things and worry less about what things amount to in life, you will likely feel less enveloped in the beauty of giving, and more frustrated by any process of monetizing or earning a wage or credit for the help that you provide in life. Recognition comes later in life, so rely more on yourself when building and less on others, it’s a downward spiral to emptiness, if you are to measure your capabilities on what people say or how people feel, less reaction is better than any reaction, when it comes to blogging.
The better you are able to leave things as they are, the more successful you will become in a philosophical sense, building a brand name, pen name, or any type of “company” you think serves the purpose to help others, or with the potential to create opportunity for others moving forward, to participate in discussions created by you, or to respond to others in a positive way, that can address the issues you may be faced with, that others may have difficulty in communicating. Not everything is put in writing in life, and that wouldn’t make sense to put things obvious or uncomfortable in writing, unless it creates for less risk moving forward. The only reason that I can function online as a blogger, is because I am courteous of other public figures and I don’t interfere with their reputations or success, and that’s how you can be successful on your own, without encroaching the creative space of others, or being dragged into things, or let anyone down artificially in life, as a speaker online. Its when there is mutual growth, that people are able to shine absent any unwanted opinions in life, as to what or who they should or should not be reacting to in life or responding to. Writing is not a contract, that falters based on one sentence word or post, or a building of considerations for acceptance that can fail, blogging is about creating opportunity to think for readers, and by communicating clearly a space that your mind is held in, from which to be viewed by others, and there is a lot of acceptance for being able to communicate your thoughts in a way that others can make better sense of their reality, or better size you up in life, which makes people feel bigger.
So what is owed at a time like this, is your best self, the one who is optimistic, positive, remorseful, kind, generous, outgoing, careful and cautious. Its when we take the time to observe the losses around us, and not let any pattern trend, to which anyone is made to feel worse, or the odds for getting sick increase, as the lethargy associated to caring is ignored, or avoided. So care with enthusiasm, not with fear, care with an open heart, not one that is judgmental and resentful, and don’t allow yourself to be affected personally credited as though you bear conditions similar to those who are gone, or feel like you should be made to speak for those who are no longer here, that would be the job of those who know and love those people who can explain to others what they were going through or what their life was like at the time of their passing, for anyone who is curious to study, what a dying condition seems like, or how it occurs to people in life, celebrity or not, alcoholic or addict or not, famous or not, or just a regular person going through life, successful or not, dependent, or independent. It will always be one of lifes greatest mysteries, how people wind up suffering and by what causes, and that’s nothing you should ever be ashamed to look into in life. In fact it is something that we should all avoid contributing to in life, bad feelings, let downs, pain, suffering, or disappointments in life. If we were made to live this life, and to live among others, then the quality of our lives should matter, not just to who we are immediately connected to, but also to those who may live lesser lives, or higher up, to not be affected by those who have less, or less money and success.
Before blogging, I went through life having less, I never went shopping, I had the same clothes year after year, I wore CVS makeup and had less than a makeup bag of cosmetics, and went running everyday, that was my first attempt at working full time. I think in the spirit of advocacy, my heart took me elsewhere to writing online, and helping other in that way, and it probably caused me to withdraw more from social relationships, sometimes when you are concentrated on something else apart from life, you lose track of time and opportunities to be close with others, and talk about life with people in your life, so that’s the change that bloggers endure become writers, living less life in conversation, and live more life in conversation written online, which does differ from the conversations you have in person, which are more simple, reassuring, and more question and answers on the basics about life, not really an in depth analysis of your medical history, mental health, or life experiences and thoughts. It would make sense for me as someone who went through recovery or delay in working a paid job, to be made to work on myself, my mental health, and to think about life and 12 step through my problems in life issue by issue, and once that starts it really doesn’t stop. I don’t think that most people are made to think write and analyze their lives as homework in order to move on in life a more whole person, have all their experiences rationalized in life in writing, for anyone else to better understand them, or why they are the way they are, who ever questions that anyways.
So what is owed, is to keep it light, no matter what hellish condition is started on your end of life, either not made by you, or created for you by someone else, who tries to make you suffer and feel stuck, or be convinced that you have done wrong or there is something wrong with you, or how you live your life or talk to others. People want closeness, and that cannot always be provided, not everyone has the energy for that, including me. I used to be a caretaker, an AMEX girlfriend, who paid for everything, and let them drive my car, and bought them things, that’s how I was a girlfriend, and eventually I had to start rooting for myself in life and get through a loss of momentum on my own, I had no boyfriend, to nurture and reassure me and lift me back up, that’s a place in life, where you are left on your own, and hard to help in those cases, had I not been put on medications that made me sedentary, I would have continued on in life, but sometimes we are not given that choice in life, to move on, and made to stay home.
Have you ever noticed that life is much nicer than you feel? That’s a good sign that you are doing better, so that’s me now, halfway back to feeling good, but its not a feeling that stays with me, or continues, easily made tired by the end of the day, or too stressed out to concentrate, and takes a few days and several hours to focus and start action planning in my head, what do to, how to do a job, what a think, how to go about completing an assignment, and that’s when things are not automatic to you, which is what going back to work is about, having to learn new assignments and come up with systems for getting work done. I think my blogging has improved, with less voices, although occurs on occasion, and no reminders, affirmations, or worse off made to talk to myself, can reverse the condition, or medications, and talking about things make things worse. I have also stopped messaging people, I can only talk to one person, or else I get sick drained and get voices, which is like being haunted and beat up at the same time, you just want to lie in bed all day, and rest, listen to the TV. So I think I’m doing pretty well despite whatever happened to me in life, and taking life seriously, without being judged as something less than in life, and hopefully this year can continue to work, at my own pace, and see what happens to me in life, or start over and rest, who knows.
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