HomeSkincareThere’s Nothing Worse … (Letter #6 to #scotus, sent)

There’s Nothing Worse … (Letter #6 to #scotus, sent)

There is nothing worse then getting well and getting sick again, I assure you this is just your God testing you, do you give up, or do you have faith in your abilities to overcome what is hurting you in life, don’t keep anything hurtful to yourself, I assure you its something that can be corrected by someone to reinforce that what you heard is not true and a manifestation of another person’s insecurities, and yet its okay to feel hurt by things that we find untrue or uncharacteristic of how we were around people. When does effort wane, if you ever become someone who anyone thinks really F up or does drugs or alcolhol or relapses and speaks stupid or gets upset because of which med or how many or runs high, then we can definitely stop all activities when Im working hard to feel good, and not do anything to the point that it becomes a waste of time once declared unimpressive or unimportant, then you really need to think, this hurts and I can get help should it matter how I am helped no, do I have the energy to file a lawsuit or contact the DA and follow up with a Detective no, but I told the Detective if you are trying to hurt me Im suing you and he replied, just to check on whether it was to communicate Ive done something wrong, that I can accept my face was ugly and I was obese and my stomach was large with no experience in how to flirt when my face is not neat and looks like I don’t care or trashed myself a has been but I assure you you will not know the potential of someone to heal until you see it for yourself, pledge allegiance to all the weight loss before and afters, I assure you my journey took much longer with fewer pictures and more pictures that were difficult to pose, and good pictures missing, how should I look as I remember, as I am, how I feel, should I be changed by what possession has been lost in connection to me of value, can I create more value, should I know how robbery or theft is supposed to injure a person, physically after other than the possession being gone, am I losing possession of value to be made to feel like OJ, who lost possessions of value, and why would I be upset? How am I supposed to know how that can hurt me, I keep everything, at this point nothing is backed up so if its gone or deleted I cant feel it and wont find it and that must mean I don’t have the energy to locate and keep track of any tampering and why should that matter if the name of the game is: drug addict, talks $hit, is masculine, secretly gay, inappropriate, hot head, not smart, has bad decision making skills, losing men of value to other women, why does that need to be addressed to explain mental illness, I clearly have experienced losing someone I love, it hurts, but no one is responsible for that hurt, that’s just life, you are with a person, and what their life is like absent you, who cares, theyre doing well, that’s the true name of the game, living life functioning, not waiting worrying or wondering or planning, when the future happens so will all of that, if it doesn’t happen, means you have things to sort and a better place to be in life, to even try for that standard of living social with stuff to talk about, so do things you are proud of, have things accomplished you can talk about, and if you talk about life, don’t waste time talking about how much you love people, just write them, they will be okay and successful so long as you are improving its sad to see people not figured out yet, at peace, so no one expects to be trying to inspire others, until it looks stupid, so when that happens don’t try so hard trying to illustrate opinions on what you theorize or think, evolution arguments are for later stages in life, who need complete symbiosis and strength to cure any defect vocally, changing Gods or switching the connections can only lead to malfunction, and disorientation everything will be done to please to make whole who feels better, and this is not a gift that I should be hurt by or contest, its always appropriate to trust those with experience and can speak clearly not have complicated views or not know whats wrong with them, or misidentify issues based on problems after schizophrenia and managing voices, that doesn’t signal harm or explain for bad behavior or poor living or bad thinking, I don’t know how you can hear people you know or sounds like with all droids broken and no tv, how would I know how a human body can be sent voices or for there to be smells released and a photo snapped of you walking into a cell phone center, what does a huge body odor signal, I think it’s a test for connection if an odor can be emanated from a body, by cell phone or government who will she think is doing that to her body and why? And what is there to explain for it. When you work so hard for something and its taken so long to get to a better place in life, and same old trick is used, is feeling good and feeling stupid, and looks stupid, and doesn’t feel good to show is stupid when its feleing good and doesn’t look good or doesn’t care and will bite you back in the long run so you don’t have chances to get well, eventually your wellness will not matter, and no one can be inspired past saying something wrong, that’s how life works gets paid a lot a celebrity and have said says something insensitive, when have I ever downplayed anything that its not hitting me or bothering me too, that’s common wont stay well or feel well, mean not well to be some place, you will never know the changes you go through waiting to know whether you will be in a new place or whether you have shown up not in a sharp enough condition to illustrate that you are to be saved and protected helped in life, so it would be best to handle as much as you can on your own, to show what you have learned, to illustrate that you do not need to be taught anything or get any special confidence by building name or address or title, to illustrate something to stand for something you don’t belong, its more than doing the right thing when things go right its because you care and believe that good things will happen for who has cared and those who care get hurt but they have skills for making things better, I chose a different route on my own, to help empower others, to not feel hurt about not being well in public, and to explore less, you will find yourself more lost experiencing life than you will thinking about life if you are thinking means stays home you have work to do, if you create time to check to see how others are doing, you will feel sick, in public people are either upset or at ease, and if you are not in a place where you have arrived, its better to stay home, and not worry too much how all of that is figured out, or heartbreak, who knows what causes you to be stupid and emotional and self harm, how is that an explanation for anything, I wouldn’t know what has made me react or self harm and I wouldn’t know why that is appropriate its not under any amount of hurt or rejection, that’s not something Ive ever experienced in life, it must be something about being liked, and being ignored, Im proud of everyone, I just don’t know why I don’t feel good and Im being attacked, maybe to treat me like Ive done something wrong or devalued myself, Im not gone Im thinking, then I became gone and ended up in jail, hitting my head, if you cant figure out whats wrong, being accused of doing things when you are chill and at peace and not being weird, and people nice to you, being social is not cheating, or out alone, ugly shiny, fat, or skinny, its your face determines treatment of you, addict sober healthy, or short life, if you don’t belong, its because you look sloppy or face disorganized and that illustrates that you are mentally ill, in a place you don’t belong, the more you appear unaware the harder people are on you, to see how you feel when you are made to make eye contact or hear something that you don’t want to hear, how you feel being treated as offensive, that’s a system you don’t learn exists until Twitter, etc. That’s being really nodbody, the same can occur if you are healthy and say anything that makes people think that you think you are important or talk about others like they are not important, again you will be disrespected made to feel broken and ignored and hurt to see how you explain mental illness, I don’t talk about things I cannot prove or don’t have memory of, so its not important, whats important is that Im well now, on Risperidone I was in bed all day and lost face, so pictures or not, I still don’t know how that is caused, and its not cheating because I did not have sex with anyone else, or out when I am doing well, its out when doing well unnecessary that you can get hurt or lost minded and not be on point, maybe that’s a test to see how you are in different places, eventually you will always look and feel stupid, its not a condition of right to know how to be in the world, but everything is a test, Im not rich, so I would not know how to be, or what signifies of value, but Im sure that any connection to drugs or even for a favor makes me look like Im shady or street, I cannot do things related to drugs because that’s being used to call me an addict feels good but isn’t smart, or tries hard, but looks sick, or isn’t gonna make it, doesn’t recognize value, appreciate those who are with it, one day you will be confident of value too, bad feelings and depression who is responsible for staying well (me) and who should figure out how to make people feel better (me) and isn’t it sad to get sick (yes) should I know why (no) are those stories important now, no because nothing matters now because I was declared schizophrenic and I don’t want to talk about my life, because if Im viewed as someone who doesn’t care then it’s a waste of time to build care if people I know got hurt, then it will not be in talking about them that will protect them, how to stop a hurt, Todd Spitzer called everyone, so that helps, not be relied upon as any system or signal of whats going well or not well in the world, I don’t bother people, I have faith that I will get jobs on my own well, the days Im well will line up with the days I put effort into applications and I will stay well from beginning to end, and Im sure that’s to explain for what mental illness, Im not sure, but updated my resume, when you seem sheltered and unharmed and not successful at something you put your heart in you get judged as someone who doesn’t value where they are and who is around them, and that’s a hard act and shoes to stand in, someone less than, you will know what you have done wrong, when you separate yourself from everyone, and no one one can heal you or therapy fix you you will not feel well until you feel well and there is no muscle memory for guiding you to a well feeling, you are either well or not well, or get sick easily and as me its no ones fault its my fault, so if Twitter was positive whatever was said on days sick, will not make sense why I was hurt by people who then came back into my life, its you look mentally ill because you left, and people think youre story is sick because you made a decision well and then got sick, over who you are, no I think I could not help anyone, and left, and I think my Twitter left up taken down, is not the issue if the issue can be addressed why when I speak well do I then change to not well, and what causes you to open up and talk about life, at what point should your memory matter and for what purpose, what is there to figure out through writing, theres nothing shocking about Tweeting, not especially with no followers and no famous or known as fanned, I think you have to accomplish things in life and stay well to be at your top, that was my top UWLA, I think by car and apartment and wellness it appears like you don’t know what struggle is like or privilege or why you get hurt and they will always blame people or drugs I was never sick by friendship, it will be feeling sick and not feeling well and not knowing why, that’s when you need to be alone. You get hurt in life when you are forced to be serious and people worry about you, you aren’t going anywhere you are figuring out whats wrong with you, and when you are struggling if that’s not an emergency to others, just stay calm, and be glad that they are well, and when people get upset, its assumed that you have done something wrong and lost your head, and once you look stupid and live life and don’t know whats happening or why you don’t feel well, everyone cared, and it cannot be explained in alone time, when busy, pause to speak even if you cannot date and need to figure out whats wrong with you, why you cant think, what to do in life. When you feel a loss, its not something you can explain or know why, but the more you let people be mad at you, the more you will feel alone, and you cannot fix a problem of losses, alone in life, alone in life looks like doesn’t have skills not apart of friendly and breakup means cant focus on two people at one time, and job shows is able, and serious issues are when they hit you, and sometimes you get treated like you don’t appreciate nice people until you look stupid, and Im sure that’s to reinforce is a drug addict or wrote stupid in law school or was in law school stupid and I assure you I was never blank, or know how that happens. Then you get put on meds, when you cant stay well, or get upset that you don’t have ability the same motivation and success in setting goals and working hard as you did, so what does that mean? How gone are you and what does not working make you look like, why blogging, it seems like because my resume or what I provided was not neat enough made a new one, and its seems like I did not fit in anywhere with enough experience, and no JD it was not clear that I would not be taking the bar without my JD, so what does that symbolize, lost money or permanent notification of disablement by substance making fun of my CU resume, like that wasn’t hard work or impressive, I watched every movie, I don’t know why I didn’t submit finals I loved school and did well on all paper got As, how am I supposed to know cocaine disables your ability to feel good and is addictive and turns your life into trash and makes you look grose. That’s how you lose personality, so whats social is a good experience what hurts you not matter what reason are any mental health issues you endure, and if it existed then or now, for sure not with everyone knowing me, and disappointing everyone, and who should be affected by knwing me in common, no I am not taking credit for being secretly known inspiration, I recognize that people are driven by what they know and what makes them feel good, not a person special or story, that cant explain for womens empowerment, nor gender, sex, history, or public speaking or opportunities, women are proud of eachother, I recognize that, that’s not the problem. 

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