Losses will always hurt and cause you to think about life, that’s a normal reaction, not a depression that should last, the problem is getting through it in stride, no matter what circumstance you are made upset by, there is always opportunity to make things better, or to rise to occasions if you’re able.
If ever you find yourself representing others culturally or as a person by diagnosis or disability, then you will always feel responsible (or be treated like you should be responsible and then tested if you are made to feel sick or suicidal see how you feel, that’s when people punish you if someone dies and reject you and detach and condemn you to see if you die if no one cares about you, so you get left for dead, that’s how cold and prosecutorial people are and vindictive toward a person who spearheaded a campaign against violence on her own without help from anyone or advisement, and then treat me as a latecomer or not apart of what is working for others). When you put someone in a condition of pain and suffering, no they can not be social talk to others, they may be approached but then they are to themselves, so that’s treating someone like a no in life, disabiling them so that they get rejected that’s getting strong by beating someone up, so you take my spirit enlivened in me, so you can feel like me, because you don’t think I deserve to be me and feel good, so you weaken my spirit)
That’s what occurs in part for how you are made to feel and how others are made to feel, discussing hurt in any respect or causes for it, or justifications for it, it’s a waste of time and the people who usually threaten you are wrong, and cause more suffering than help they provide, because they think the solution is to eliminate a human being from an equation, living life respected and not bothered, that’s normal to any group identity. Some of us belong and some of us don’t quite fit the script.
I think we are in a period when by diagnosis or race relations, are determined to be roots to a problem, or the specific issue that is trying to be made fun of, or think that I don’t get the point or what it could be about if its about me. Therefore I’m not threatening the esteems of Kanye West, it could very well be about me who contacted the Kardashian family as I was blogging online is less stressful times, and reached out to them to send an update or positives. I think things have changed since then and fallen off balance and with difficulty continuing to write. There will always be a funny way to look at things, and that’s not the type of thinking that I ever feel hurt by or offended by, but its what you allow to get to you or change you that then becomes a problem. Notice how many people are free spirited and not racist, so no I don’t think that that was a problem, I do think that because of circumstances some people just look stupid or uninfluential than others, and that’s not something that you can change about a person, who you look at and are unimpressed by or see as stupid or imagine a behavior or voice of something grose. As far as I’m concerned only skinny women with nice voices are allowed to be hot and erotic, and given what I’ve been through I would have to reach a place in life confident for that to occur, which is now, not three years ago working hard as a writer and a blogger, writing books.
So please don’t misunderstand for me to not be a woman, is all that that is proving, whether you have evidence or proof of that and able to see pictures from my life, or people who met me or liked me and got along with me, none of that matters at this point in life, since clearly its about impressions, or what satisfies people as the quality of life they think is gifted or important enough to read or be influenced by. I can’t change the fact that people make money have jobs and are known public figures and left alone in life, praised, and recommended by others to read, and I’m sad and its depressing that I have not achieved that for myself yet in life, based on what I have provided, or to be put in a declining condition and judged for whatever diagnosis so that things line up mentally or physically to fit the mold of what you identify to be a turn off or off putting, or a reject.
I don’t bear any qualities that are unliked, I make friends easily, and I get dated and picked up on, I’m approachable, a loving and kind hearted person non-judgmental. What’s disappointing is to not make money and to not be left alone or misjudged as someone who is inaccurate or who is not speaking from the heart, wrongfully accuse me of reading other peoples work and writing. I write all my own work by myself, and stopped reading, and when I decide to read again and credit others I will let you know what books Im reading or have read, right now I have not read any books since I last was reading piles of books, I don’t have the time and energy for reading, because now I get voices, so I have to write to stop voices.
Voices is not an easy condition, one because if you mention it people think you’re weird and mentally ill, or think that you’re making up the condition, and I assure you that Im not and don’t know where its coming from or why. I only know that if you allow for people to be convinced that youre mentally ill that’s how you will look and behave that is the condition that you will end up in, its inflicted-self-fulfilling prophecy, when you are told something, and when people don’t feel good until you end up in that place in life, directing you to hospital or jail, those are people who don’t believe in you, think youre mentally ill, and don’t want to help you, and treat you as a liability. Who is a liability is who makes your life worse, and who causes you suffering and convinces you that you are mentally ill or wrong. I don’t change or cause anyone to respond mentally ill, name one incident when I was mentioned on the news that says Leslie Fischman I read her blog or I knew her and she made me sick or do this or that, of course not, and because that is not stated in the news means that things and life did not occur that way, does not therefore give you the right to practice for what my condition is during a fire, shooting, loss, failure, condemnation, sextortion, suicide, hitting my head, life can be a lot of things, and none of those things can mean that Im schizophrenic or bipolar.
Sometimes when you are right about things and people are mean, means that they are being wrong towards you, to cause you to suffer because they were raised, to treat people as mentally ill or toxic or the problem, without recognizing their part in contributing to that poor outlook or depressed state, get strong on your own, but never convince a person who is strong to be weak, or make it okay for them to be beat up in life or put on medications to make them look weird, obese, and talk stupid. That was insufficient clearly to prevent gun violence, which is why upon doing well performing in a job, and things not going well I stopped going to work, and started to write more and more until it became relevant, and didn’t waste a day getting strong again, and performing to standard until I was able to speak to prevention and solution and come up with a plan. As someone in bed rest for a year, that’s a handicap, that’s not me being lazy or a ramification of any others experience in life that’s guiding me or telling me what to do, in the middle of a fire when you feel like you could die, you think of what you want to do that’s important to you in life, in case you die, and to me that was writing books and blogging again, after leaving a job in Film.
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